Contemplating Your Love
by r'n'rb
Summary: At rest yes, but forcefully so....


* * *

Life (noun): The characteristic state or condition of a living organism 

Life has a funny way of throwing you curveballs, dive-bombing you with them in fact. Pummeling you and pulling the rug from underneath your feet until you are nothing but a mindless sheep, searching for the exit to individuality. In some cases, you can live to one hundred and never really live at all. However, there comes a time, a moment, a second when you find what you've been looking for your whole life, and that is when you're truly alive.

Love (noun): Very strong affection.

Love, love can be even more infuriating than life itself. It plays with the deeper emotions, the ones we tend to block out for fear of getting hurt or acting strangely. To some love sucks all the fun out of like , it takes the pink and makes it red with desire , and something more , something that twists your insides , tugs your heart strings and makes you do the unthinkable. Sometimes love can destroy a relationship, in extreme cases can end lives and yet subconsciously most people yearn for it. There are those who do not believe in it, those who purposely veer away from it; afraid, when really they should embrace it. It is confusing, hard to explain –"Very strong affection" doesn't even begin to cover it.

The hospital room was a strain on Rory's senses, the dull white walls were painful to behold, the incessant beeping of the monitor crept through her ears, into her head, and with each mechanical chirp, she winced. Then there were the smells, the smell of sickness, of death, it left her with a bitter taste in her mouth, left her feeling icky, icky and alone. She clamped her hand tightly around Logan's limp one and the other reached out to touch his face. Softly her fingers traced his outline, stopping every so often to tangle in his hair, which at the moment was damp and matted.

His unconscious form looked peaceful, she tried to comfort herself with that. At least he looked at rest. However, he did in no way look natural, no, not with the tubes and the monitor, not with the large bandage around his head and his body clad in a hospital gown. At rest yes but forcefully so. Asleep, trapped in the confinements of his mind, his body addled with drugs and various ailments.

The Doctors had not given her any relevant information, she would have to press them again in the morning, not now though it had taken a lot of persuasion oh her behalf for them to let her stay past visitor hours. Though she hated to name drop, sometimes being a Gilmore came in handy.

She had yet to cry, though the sight of him like this had torn her, shattered her and hurt her deeper than she had ever thought possible. A bitter sadness flooded her. She longed to cry and release it. Not for now though she had to suffer, and staring at the limp body of her lover definitely did just that.

She had visited many emotions tonight, first anger; on the car ride over she had practiced her argument. Hadn't she pointed out the many flaws of their cliff jumping stunt. All she could think of was how stupid and thoughtless he had been. Her anger overriding her worry and blocking out her fears.

That was before she found out he was unconscious. Before she found out that he had tubes down his throat and was in the ICU ( a private room of course, the Huntzberger name afforded many privileges). Once the shock of seeing him like this had worn off guilt flooded her. Why did she have to be such a bitch to him the past few weeks? Why couldn't she have just moved past the bridesmaid issue? She had forgiven him and yet for some twisted reason she had pulled a Lorilai and attempted to prolong his guilt –at that moment she would have given anything to go back in time, remind him that she loved him and kissed him goodbye.

Then guilt was replaced by worry, what if he never woke up? Would their chilly goodbye be the last time they spoke?

"why Logan, why" ? Her words were soft and heartbroken and left unanswered. Only the sounds of his aided breathing filled the room, a hollow sound of air through plastic, in… out… in… out.

Exhaustion embedded itself into her bones and her eyes began to drop, it had been a long day, and to think that only a few hours ago she had been at Lanes wedding. She shifted in her seat bringing her head down to rest upon the bed, her hand though never letting go of Logan's. Memories flashed before her eyes. Logan. Logan smiling, laughing, jumping off the platform with her at the LBD event. Comforting her at that ridiculous party. Making her laugh and feel wanted after Dean had ditched her.

The first time they kissed at her grandparents wedding, For once she was glad to have taken the initiative on that one. The first time they had sex with strings, she blushed at the memory, the things he had done, the feelings he had evoked within her.

Her fingers gripped the blanket, tangling themselves in an angry desperation. Why now? Why Logan. He didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve to by lying here seemingly lifeless. He didn't deserve her cruelty, his fathers cruelty. His own god-dammed family did not show up to support him, their respect for him barely existent.

She realized now that he was the innocent one in the relationship, not in a virginal or obvious sense but he was innocent in his own special way. He loved life, the thrill of adventure. He was so carefree, so beautiful and yet trapped in his hellish prison of a life. He had shown her a life out side if her pro/con list of goals, how to make fun even in the darkest of situations.

He had shown her how to live.

She brought her other hand away from the blankets and back to Logan's face. She stroked her fingers across his lips over his nose and lightly touching upon his eyes as she willed them to open up make it all better. Her hand fell limply to the bed, the other still clutched tightly around Logan's.

Sadness rose up in her, so great that she physically ached with sorrow. She bit her lip, all of her was consumed with Logan; her thoughts, her prayers, every fiber of her being soaked in guilt anguish and sorrow.- All for him, only for him.

Silently a tear made its way down her face and she began to cry.

She began to cry the boy that lay there, helpless barely alive, to cry for the one she loved, for the one had come to live for. To cry for the boy who taught her to live like she never had before, the boy who had taught her to love.

Slowly exhaustion overcame her and she gave in to sleep.

* * *

Little did she know this would not be the end that in fact there would be many more days filled with sunray's laughter and love. Little did she know that Logan would be awake and breathing on his own when she woke the next morning , ready to replicate and return the silent apologies and profession of love she had proclaimed the previous night.

Yes, there will many fights, nights spent on the couch or alone at the pub but there will be passion, lust and love. The kind of _Love _that lasts for _Life.

* * *

_

_AN: So I wrote this before " Super Cool Party People " came out , so yes there are quite a few technical errors ( like in the show Logan was breathing on his own, and such. ) . I mean to post this last week but my computer was being a bitch so ...yeah._

_Anyways , I'm somewhat happy with this piece , it was intended for another catagory but somehow it ended up being a Gilmore Girls fic. Its a little sappy but I mostly right angst to I'm kind of happy to take another direction ( although this is somewhat angsty ) _

_Please Review kindly , _

_-Ani _


End file.
